Have you ever thought that the way you were born and conceived and your experience in the womb could still have an impact in your adult life? in the way you feel in relationships? in how you react to stress?
This is a collection of drawings and poems representing my journey of coming in to this world, from conception to birth, that emerged in my healing process with a biodynamic craniosacral therapist over a period 3 years.
I started seeing a craniosacral therapist because of suffering from debilitating migraines and generally feeling depressed and not being fully present in my life. In the craniosacral sessions I found myself very gradually opening up to my body experiences and learning to trust what my body wanted to express that was behind my migraines and emotional discomfort. This led me to touch into very early early experiences that were still held in my body so many years later, such as how I came into the world, what happened for me at birth and even at conception.
That was my first encounter with the prenatal world and my first time opening to the possibility of my body ‘remembering’ the preconception-conception-birth journey.
I did not have any prior knowledge of these processes and had never read anything about this, but I was held by my therapist and I trusted what my body had started showing me. [There is extensive research and literature in the pre- and perinatal field which I wasn’t aware of at the time as I was just beginning my therapy journey.]
In each craniosacral session I went through very deep body processes and felt strong emotions without really understanding what they were about. I just knew that something was happening inside me that was gradually helping me come back into my body after a life spent predominantly ‘in my head’.
I found it very difficult to express with words what I was feeling in the craniosacral sessions and to give voice to those very early (pre-verbal) experiences deeply held in my body but not yet accessed by my conscious mind. So one day my craniosacral therapist suggested that I tried using colours and drawings to express what I was experiencing in the sessions and what was happening in my body in between sessions and whenever I was in a difficult space at home.
That day I went home, sat and listened to my body, picked up a paintbrush and some water colours, and let my body speak. Initially what I ‘heard’ was expressed mainly in images, shapes and colours. Over time, words also started coming to me in the form of short poems.
These drawings and poems are an expression of what my body was telling me, beyond any cognitive memory. To my initial surprise, in the craniosacral therapy sessions my therapist slowly helped me see the prenatal and birth elements that my work contained.
My drawings and poems expressed key moments in my early history as they were being revealed to me by my body wisdom and somatic memory.
This became for me a very profound healing journey in which I explored how these experiences were still held in my body and how they were being recapitulated into my adult life. This awareness was for me key to starting the journey back into my body and connecting back to my life force.
More recently, after completing my craniosacral therapy training and other pre- and perinatal therapy postgraduate courses, and reading extensively in the area, I looked back at my work with an increased understanding of my prenatal experiences and how they have shaped my life.
I then put together a selection from all my drawings and poems in this website to describe the phases of my ’embodiment journey’, i.e. my soul journey from pre-conception through conception to birth.
The drawings and poems are not in chronological order as the way in which I processed this journey was not linear – I kept moving back and forth between different phases of the process, revisiting the same phases more than once, experiencing what happened and later allowing new possibilities to emerge. The titles of the poems and drawings identify the meaning of each piece and are added to help you navigate through this journey.
Even though this is ‘my’ embodiment journey, I feel that the experiences represented in my drawings and poems may touch into the universal experience we all share of coming into this world.
I hope you will enjoy the journey!
THE BEGINNING | PART 1. EMBODIMENT | PART 2. CONCEPTION | PART 3. CONCEPTION TO BIRTH | PART 4. BIRTH | PART 5. LOST TWIN